


your poker face ain't foolin nobody (nobody here)

by serenitysea



Series: she's so fierce and full of that fire || the lara au [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 5 Things, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Shenanigans, in which lara meddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 21:54:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5391728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serenitysea/pseuds/serenitysea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>part of the lara au. </p><p>the five dates skye (almost) went on that made her give up dating forever. (with special help from thomas and lara.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	your poker face ain't foolin nobody (nobody here)

**Author's Note:**

> because someone asked about skye's dating life in the lara au.

**0**.

Lara is not even six months old when Thomas intercepts the frantic phone call from Skye.

“ _I have a date and I have nothing to wear and I haven’t had time to get a wax or_ –”

“WHOA.” Thomas blinks, hard. “What.”

“ _I need you to come here and watch your niece because by some miracle, a nice man asked me to go for dinner_!!” Skye shrieks through the connection, making him wince slightly.

Thomas, who is currently staring at the naked back of his sexy bed partner, wonders what it says about him that he’s honestly considering leaving this room.

“ _This is what you signed up for, THOMAS ANDREW WARD_.”

He sighs mournfully, and kisses Kara’s shoulderblade. “I’ll be there in an hour.” Then as an afterthought, he adds: “Please never again describe to me the state of your downstairs.”

When he hangs up the phone, Kara tips her head at him curiously. “Do you often spend time talking to other women discussing the state of their lady business?”

He grimaces, thinking of how he’d been exposed to far more than he ever wanted to once inside the delivery room at Lara’s birth. “As much as it pains me to say this… yes.”

Kara laughs and pulls the covers up to her neck to smile at his half-naked form appreciatively. “Poor baby.”

(He could _kill_ Skye right now. Kara is never as agreeable as she is after sex.)

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

**1**.

 

Nick seems harmless.

A little _overmuscled_ – by Thomas’s way of thinking – but harmless. 

“Don’t hate on him because his bicep is the size of my _head_ ,” Skye whispers, slipping into a pair of beat up converse and kissing both of Lara’s hands quickly.

Lara coos happily, batting at her mother’s dangling earrings. She does not seem very happy as Skye backs away through the door, “Bye, you two! Have fun!”

When Lara has her face screwed up in what looks to becoming an _epic_ cry, Thomas is struck by sudden inspiration. He quickly yanks open the door and calls out, “Babe? Did you remember to change her, or should I…?”

Nick drops his arm from around Skye’s shoulders instantly. “You have a… kid?”

Skye smiles up at him sweetly, determined to salvage the wreckage. “She’s not even a year old. I’m really lucky to have such a –” here, she stumbles, trying to put Thomas’s actions into the right category, “ _– supportive_ brother in law to look after her during times like this.”

Nick glances back at where Thomas waves casually, Lara hoisted effortlessly on his arm. “Yeah. Um. So I’m not feeling very well. Do you mind if we reschedule?”

(He never reschedules.)

 

 **2**.

 

“For the record, this is a _terrible_ idea.”

Skye curls a little lower into the booth. “I heard you the first six times, Thomas.”

“I’m just saying I can’t be your wingman like this.”

“ ‘Za.” Lara demands, looking at her mother expectantly.

“Yes, baby, we’ll get you pizza.”

“But no anchovies,” Thomas warns his niece seriously.

“Vies!”Lara sounds delighted to have discovered a new word to add to her vocabulary. “Vies Vies VIES **_VIES VIES_**!!!!”

Skye closes her eyes in frustration as the hot guy at the bar who had been making eyes at her for the past ten minutes sees Lara clapping excitedly. He gives her a dismissive salute and refocuses his attention on the stacked blonde to his immediate right.

“Gentlemen prefer blondes after all,” Skye mutters sourly.

“What can I get for you?” Their server comes over with a huge grin, which gets awkwardly frozen as she takes in the sullen expressions of the table’s occupants.

“Two pizzas, thanks,” Thomas says, smoothly returning the menus with a wink.

“And a bottle of your strongest vodka,” Skye adds, staring forlornly at her plate.

“Maybe skip the vodka,” He whispers to the server, sotto voice.

 

 **3**.

 

“If she’s so opposed to me going on a date,” Skye murmurs persausively, glancing expectantly at him, “She shouldn’t have a problem with you.”

“Skye,” Thomas begins, totally unsure of how to proceed. On one hand, he really doesn’t want to offend her in any way, shape or form. But on the other, there is a part of him that’s curious about the woman his brother is so hung up on.

As if sensing him waver, Skye adds, “I got tickets to the Flyers game.”

Thomas groans in pain. “Fine. I’ll pick you up at five.”

He gets about halfway to the door when Lara throws herself at his legs, wailing hysterically. “ _NOOOOOOOOO!_ ”

Thomas looks to Skye for help, but even she looks thoroughly shaken by her daughter’s sudden outburst.

“Lara, peanut, I’ll be back in a little while, I promise.” Thomas lifts her securely into his arms, trying to soothe the sobbing five-year old.

“You can’t _LEAAAAAAAAAAVEEEEEEE!”_

Thomas and Skye are both immediately struck with an image of things going horribly wrong, and the fallout making it terribly uncomfortable between them.

Skye exhales loud and long, lips tight with frustration. The smile she gives him is weak and totally fake as she holds her arms out for her daughter. “I’ll email you the tickets. Take Kara.”

 

 **4**.

 

Skye walks into the apartment, completely drenched from head to toe and takes precious care to slam the door loudly. She literally _squishes_ as she walks by.

  
Thomas meets her eyes from where he is sprawled on the couch, an exhausted Lara passed out in his arms. She’s so small for her age that most of the other first graders tower over her. He doesn’t mind, because she fits perfectly in his arms.

“ _Don’t_ say it,” Skye hisses as she walks past, chin tipped high and jaw clenched tight in anger.

“I would _never_ ,” Thomas says, curling Lara protectively closer to his chest.

Once he’s sure Skye is sequestered in her bedroom, he adds, “Thanks for the rainout assist on that picnic, Lara loo.”

 

 **5**.

 

The last time Skye attempts to go on a date, Lara is 14.

She’s been extra stubborn all day, arguing with her about literally _everything_.

It winds up that Skye and Lara get into a _huge_ fight and Thomas has to come over and sort out the aftermath.

“Okay, listen.” His hands are out, physically separating mother and daughter. “Skye. Go get dressed for your date. Lara, call for pizza and we’ll watch Netflix.”

Lara glares at him. “I don’t want to watch Netflix, I want –”

Thomas glares at her, _hard_ ,  and she makes a face, flouncing out of the room and up the stairs. 

They think the teenager is _almost_ on board with the idea when a door opens and Lara shouts down, “You’re not my _father_! I don’t have to listen to you!”

Skye goes white.

He reaches over, squeezing her arm. “Go on, get changed. You know she doesn’t mean it like that.” 

“I don’t know, Thomas.” Skye looks beaten down for the first time he can remember. “Maybe I’m just not meant to be… with anyone.”

“Don’t play the martyr card, Skye, we already have one of those in the family and lord knows that girl upstairs doesn’t need that coming from you too.”

Skye glares but it’s halfhearted at best. “Thank you. For everything.”

They both know she’s talking about more than just the current situation.

Thomas nods, lifting his chin for her to get ready. Once the sounds of the hairdryer kick on, he murmurs, “Foolish woman. We both know you’re still hopelessly in love with my brother.”

The phone rings and he glances down to see his brother’s face on the screen. “Speak of the devil…”

If he doesn’t pick up the phone, Ward will just keep calling, or – even worse – have his new whiz kid Ranger trace it to his current location.

Lara stomps back down the stairs, physically _throwing_ herself onto the couch beside him. “I hate everything and this is _terrible_ ,” she informs, navigating the recommended programs with undisguised irritation.

“Grant, hey,” Thomas replies, placing a finger over his lips at Lara’s sudden confusion. “How’s it going?”

“ _You never call me Grant unless you want something,”_ Ward replies, immediately sensing that something is not right. “ _What’s going on_?”

“Nothing, just… enjoying a quiet night off.”

As if in retaliation for being shushed, Lara blasts the volume on the cartoons on screen.

Thomas shoots her a dirty look and she smirks at him, looking so much like her father it nearly takes his breath away.

“ _Sounds like it_.” Ward is not amused. He hates being lied to.

The only thing he needs now is for Skye to come out and start yelling–

“I’m just going to cancel,” Skye announces loudly, reappearing in jeans and a long sleeved tee shirt. “This isn’t worth it.”

Thomas tips his head back on the couch and prays for strength.

There is absolutely no way Ward missed the sound of a woman’s voice. He has ears like a damn cat.

“ _Does Kara know about this_?”

“It’s not what you think,” Thomas begins, making frantic motions at Skye to get the TV powered down and Lara away from him, because quite frankly, he does not trust that evil look in her eyes.

That turns out to be a good move, as Lara abruptly yells, “You’re stuck with us forever, Thomas!”

Ward begins choking on the other line. “ _I’m going to take a guess and say that she doesn’t. Okay little brother… have fun and, uh. Be safe. I mean that literally._ ”

Great. Now his brother thinks he’s cheating on Kara and having a wild orgy.

 _If you only knew, bro_.

He ends the call and looks at Skye blankly. “I need a beer. Maybe vodka.”

Skye is far more intuitive than her daughter, and well knows the only man who can put that look on Thomas’s face, nods smartly. “Coming right now.”

“As for you,” Thomas turns to Lara, who is watching him with calculated wariness. He hates that she looks unsure of herself, even now, as if wondering whether she’d finally pushed him too far. “There is only one way to deliver your punishment.”

The shrieking sounds of Lara’s delighted laughter are almost enough to soothe the ache in Skye’s heart when she comes back into the room.

 _I miss you_.

**Author's Note:**

> WELCOME TO MY MADHOUSE, FRIENDS. 
> 
> I LITERALLY CANNOT ESCAPE.


End file.
